Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
