all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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