dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
