can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
