I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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