i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
