got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
