Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
