i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
