I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
