thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
