The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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