Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
