I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
