you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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