what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
