I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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