i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
