Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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