Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
