just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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