i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
