I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
