She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
