i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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