Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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