have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
