You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
