Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
