No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
