im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
