I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
