I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
