He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
