True but thats because hes a fetus.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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