mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
