i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
