This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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