You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
