Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
