So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
