hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
