One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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