in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
