For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
