I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
