i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
