i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
