I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
