So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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