Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
my liver is dry heaving
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
