DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
