I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Michael Bay diarrhea
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
