Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
