My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
