The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
