He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
