Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
